by
Whitty
@ 08.10.2006 - 17:32:31
The sunday after the Saturday night, again.
This week I have gone back to my old ways - so much for being happy being single and on my own.
Got hammered on Wednesday night with H and was texting DJ to see what was going on - his text messages were non comittal but he implied he would like to see me on Saturday.
Met a random in a bar about midnight - his name was Rollo and he was about 35 and an investment banker (from what I can remember). We swapped cards but I'm not gonna follow it up.
So on Friday I had a few more texts with DJ and left it open about coming out with them all on Saturday. Think he was a little surprised when I turned up at their house yesterday with DG to watch the football. I could tell he was trying to get drunk.
He's very cute and very witty but I don;t think I can imagine going out with him - can't imagine him as a part of my lifestyle. Its taken him years to have proper conversations with me so I really can't see him coming out with the PR crowd or the allnight clubbing crowd. (I don't call my friends this btw - just expressing the type of people they are in minimum words).
Also I now discover from DG that MP may not take too well to any kind of chinanigans (?). MP and I had a thing in the past but he's not my type and I didn't like some of the things he said to me. So if anything happens with me and DJ I'll piss MP off - very messy.
I had come to the conclusion its just not worth it...
I saw N on Saturday which was nice for an hour antil he wouldn't stop touching me. I could have gone home with him fr the afternoon but I know its not fair on either of us.
So when I said good bye to DJ last night I said 'call me' and I know he's interested. We're all going to the comedy store tomorrow night so I'll see him then buy just try to play it cool.
So why 'stupid girl'?
I got a text from CO at midnight last night when we were driving back from the gig. We were both obviously lonely and had been drinking. I knew he wanted to come round and I really needed a cuddle - so he got a cab over.
A lot of intimate naked cuddling later and we woke up this morning and had some more lovely cuddles and lazing and joking. Then we went for a walk on the common and for lunch together. There was no intimacy once we had got up. Now he's gone to meet a friend. I feel really lonely and wonder why I do this to myself. I really care about him but know we're not right together. I'm not helping myself by doing things like this.
What makes it worse is that MP slept on our sofa, will undoubtedly mention something to PB today, PB will tell DJ and, well, what would you do if you heard that the girl you had been flirting with last night had gone home and slept with her ex boyfrind?
Tired and exasperated with myself. huff